The Why Question?

I wasted years of my life asking why some things happened. Why did I feel so invisible? Why did I feel I was ever never good enough or special in my parents’ eyes? Why did I stay in an abusive marriage for thirteen years?

The focus of why questions in painful situations are centered on finding fault or blame. My desire to make sense of my emotional pain as a little girl and teenager left me feeling sorry for myself, ensnaring me in believe I was bad, faulty, and, worst of all, not worthy of being loved. My mind created a message that because there was no good or value in me, whatever went wrong was my fault and I never deserved or could count on anything good happening to me. I tried and tried to be good to earn love and a better life. I didn’t realize I was taking on the responsibility of other people’s bad words and behaviors. I didn’t know there was another way to think and function.

With God’s revelation, His love, and the power of His words in the Bible, I finally saw how I was wonderfully made. It took me years to understand and to believe that I was worth dying for, that the Creator and King of all Kings did this for me - not just for others, but for me. Belief in Christ and the knowledge of my worth in Him, then learning how humans are to treat one another, helped me seek other people to help me understand and learn new tools to live a healthy life. With my new worth and power through Christ, understanding, knowledge, and tools, I began to trust myself to make my own decisions and change the disaster that was my life.

Our growth and transformation takes a lifetime. While we are on this earth we are all in different places and have unique abilities, personalities, and purposes. To ask someone why in a painful situation we can’t comprehend is to smack them upside the head while they are already on the ground bleeding. We are all searching for answers. Maybe the best thing we can do is help them know they have value in the eyes of the Creator of the Universe.  If we help them learn who they are in Christ, give them tools to develop healthy ways to tackle life, and encourage and empower them to trust themselves, they will take control of their lives. It’s not our job to tell them what to do because that steals their opportunity to think and act. If you want to help, love them like Christ does first and ask better questions later.

When has the question why hurt you?