Finding My Edges

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have and step into the darkness of the unknown,
Believe that one of the two will happen to you.  Either you'll find something solid to stand on or you'll be taught how to fly!”    By Richard Bach

The other day I needed a rag to clean. I took a stained towel out of the drawer and tried to rip it. I was unsuccessful because its protective finished edge was still intact. I reached for the scissors to snip the edge and tore several small rags from the big towel. Holding a rag at arm’s length, I realized how my life mirrored the tattered edges of this rag.

My life’s circumstances, situations, and experiences snipped the edge and protection of my life. It created rips of uncertainty, no safety, and believing I was responsible for others’ pain.  That, somehow, made me unlovable and created tattered and fuzzy edges around my life. Without the safety provided by love, encouragement, and protection in my childhood, I didn’t know where I stopped or began in relationships.  I was willing to do anything to feel a drop of love. I was afraid to say no because it could mean I’d be abandoned again. I felt hopeless, helpless, and a victim just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.  

For years my mind struggled to understand. My human half remained in the hurt, pity, and martyrdom of the circumstances, while the spiritual part of me who knew Christ fought and strived to fix my broken edges. God made His presence known to me as far back as I can recall a memory. Even though my life has been a tattered rag canvas, God has placed people along my journey to provide love, encouragement, and protection I lacked.  His provision attached the rag of my life to a frame to give me the opportunity to let Him create a work of art as I discovered the edges of my life.

I have spent thousands of hours reading my Bible and other self-help books, going to counseling, and visiting with Godly women to reach where I am now. It has taken years, but little by little God has provided spiritual threads of His revelation, wisdom, and understanding.  These have helped me discover, create, and define who I am now, and who I am not. I know where I begin and end better than I ever did before. There is great peace and assurance to know I can choose what I am exposed to in my life, and I can trust myself with my yes and no.  I’m thankful God continues to work on and through me as I foster my personal relationship with Him daily. Instead of fearing the future, I now anticipate the wonders God will reveal in my future as His precious and cherished loved daughter.

“All you need to say is a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.” (James 5:12) “Can you answer yes or no with confidence?”